Back after a hiatus

I'm back on blogger after a hiatus. For a brief couple of weeks, I had stopped blogging. My theory was if there's nothing nice to say, then dont say anything at all. However, as I'm getting ready to start this journey again, I wanted to jot down my thought so that I can show Junior what their mom and dad had to go through.

I'm about a week away from a baseline ultrasound. This cycle was supposed to have happened in Dec. But baseline revealed a persistent cyst that didn't go away in time for the cycle start date. So, the cycle was postponed. I thought I had matured then. I thought I had handled the cancelling of the cycle, the hotels, airfare etc (since this was supposed to be in NY away from home) pretty well. In fact, I was watching Grey's Anatomy where they were discussing the 7 stages of depression and I remember telling DH how close I was to acceptance and then bam ...

It hits when you least expect it. I called a couple of friends from whom I had lost touch over the past year to wish them a Happy New Year and 1 of them goes we are expecting a 2nd baby in 2 months. I'm not sure what hurts more .. the fact they didn't tell or the fact that I bring so much negative energy that they dont want to hang around me anymore? They don't officially know about my IF struggles but have probably guessed since their 1st kid was born 4 years ago and they were married just 6 months before us.

Then, as if this wasn't enough I call another friend to decline a kiddy b'day party invite that's being held at Little Gym. Now, I don't want to go to a kiddie b'day party at Little Gym where all our common friends will be there with their kidS in tow right before my cycle start. Guess what she says .. yeah I've invited a few other free folks who dont hv kids and are enjoying their lives. You want to enjoy my life? Seriously?

Then she goes on to complain .. I'm so busy and tired with this kid stuff. You guys have so much fun .. I wished then I could tell her "boo hoo .. your life completely sucks!"

People are so thoughtless sometimes. They live in their little bubbles.

Personally, I think IF is one of the worst things you can go through. There is no common support system. You cannot openly say leave me alone. I have enough troubles as it is.