Lessons Learnt

They say that you can learn something from every little thing happening around you. Well, I've gone through a number of IVF cycles, so I thought I'd say what I learnt from this last one.

a) Don't take yourself too seriously. Life is a great leveling experience. It all balances out. I say that because I think I used to take myself too seriously. I had to do things the right way, I was opinionated, tried to be too perfect in areas I could control. Now, who cares. Follow your heart and do what you really want to do. Want to be perfect in an area, sure .. its a wonderful idea but don't forget to have fun while doing it.

b) No more wallowing in self pity - yeah sure I wish things could be different. But in Dr. Randy Pausch's words - you cannot change the cards you have been dealt - just how you play the hand. And he knew what he was talking since being diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer.

c) Its all cyclic - there are days where you will feel the courage to go on, others where the wind would be knocked out of your sails.

I will find good things about today .. I will .. I will

Today began as a very difficult day. I'm in the 2ww of a fresh IVF cycle. Anyone who's been through this process knows how stressful it can be. Anyone who's had failures can attest to the stress even
more. I have been very very stressed since yesterday. Partially because I read an article that pretty much took the wind out of my sails - an article from Dr. Sher saying that a 100% dq alpha match was almost impossible to fix. Partially, because my beta is two days from today and I've been spotting since my transfer and the spotting seemed to get heavier.

So, I've decided not to fixate on the results and instead work on the present. From the Geeta:

You have the right to do your duty, not to the results.

“Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana, Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani”

So, I will write down 5 good things about my day today

1) I'm still pregnant - until I don't get a negative test, I'm not giving up on my 3 embrobabies. I will enjoy my time with my babies

2) I've been blessed with a kind, loving husband - who listens to all my tempers without saying a word. I've been so stressed that I've lashed out at him but he's taking it all in without a word

3) I bought a new purse - a burberry from my visit to NY. I'm carrying it for the 1st time and loving it.

4) I concentrated on work despite all my feelings

5) Major accomplishment for me - I turned what could have been a very negative day into a positive one - gathered strength to wait patiently for good things to come. Lived the Geeta shloka above the
way it was meant to be.