Its not the destination that counts, its the journey ...

Since today is my very first blog, I'm in the mood for a bonus. So, here goes my second posting:

How often have we heard that its not the destination that counts. Its the journey. Nothing could be truer in case of IF. I read a wonderful poem today that further enforced it. For a while, I've been thinking of writing a blog, not about my IF struggles but how it has changed me and made me a woman from a girl. Let me first paste the poem


The journey from infertility to family,
someone once said,
is like taking a train ride;
Never knowing whether
you'll reach your desired destination.

There are plenty of stops along the ride.
And each of the passengers
makes it's own decision
when its time to get off.

Some never need to take the train.
Others ride it for a lifetime.
But whether you reach your destination or not,
pay attention to the journey.
If you will,
as painful as it is,
it may reward you in unexpected ways.

New York, December 2000

(c) 2000 Ronen Divon, All Rights Reserved.

I've always referred to IF as waiting for my turn to get off the train. I'm ready, just am waiting for my turn. If I could count the ways IF had changed me, I would start with this one: I have become an optimist. I've gone through 2 IUIs,2 fresh IVF and 1 FET cycles in the past 18 months. This last IVF cycle made me an optimist. Not because I got a positive beta. No, my beta was always the same as before - negative. However, somewhere along the way, I found the courage to face upto the challenges and say they will not define me, not defeat me. I am now more hopeful than before that I will bear a child. I was very cautious going into all previous cycles except the last one. For this one, I started turning a new leaf, cautiously trying to tell I'm ready and this is my time. Of course, when you have to say it to make yourself believe it, you aren't there yet. This was this breaking point in my cycle where I started intrinsically believing it. So, if this IF train journey has taught me anything, its to keep an open mind, enjoy the journey. Its the journey that counts, not the destination.

Think about it, our entire life is a journey. What's the destination? Death? So, why not enjoy the journey, enjoy the previous life we've been so lucky to get.

Like I said before, this isn't a learn from my life blog. Its just a document of how IF changed me and my perceptions. Maybe one day when my kid is misbehaving, I can go back to this blog and forget my anger :)